The (Very) Adult Beginner's Grade Five-Sentence Challenge

[zelempa]

In other news, I was reading The Education of Hyman Kaplan--amusing short stories about English as a foreign language night school in 1930s New York--and I came across an assignment that I think we should all take on.

From The Return of Hyman Kaplan, Leo Rosten (Leonard Q. Ross), 1959:

"I shall write five words on the blackboard," Mr. Parkhill said, picking up a piece of chalk. "Use each word in a sentence, a--er--full sentence, that is. Five words, therefore five sentences." He smiled. There was no harm in leavening the bread of learning with the yeast of levity. [...]

In large block letters, he printed:

1. CHISEL
2. LAMP
3. GROAN
4. POTATOES
5. CLIMAX

Any fandom, any pairing. Go.


Something always seemed to distract Rodney from his mission reports: killing Wraith; preventing citywide power crises; or, in this case, running his fingers down John Sheppard's chiseled torso. John advanced with attacking kisses, and Rodney bent backward over the lab table, sending at least one very expensive console and a probably-millenia-old Ancient lamp crashing to the ground. Releasing a low, guttural groan, John thrust forward, pressing his erection into Rodney's. Rodney slid off his elbow and dropped onto his back with all the grace of a sack of potatoes. Paperwork night was about to reach an unprecedented climax.

Comments

[mab-browne.livejournal.com]

You did say 'any pairing'. The Professionals. Bodie and Doyle.

"Shit," Doyle declared, "you'll have to just about chisel that mess off." Bodie sighed agreement and flicked on the ceiling light; they needed more light than just the lamp he'd hoped might provide a little ambience. With a theatrical groan at the sight of the mess, he said, "Sorry, sunshine. Guess those just weren't the right potatoes for chips." Scrubbing charred spuds off his frying pan wasn't the climax he'd planned for the evening; still, house work could always wait...

[zelempa.livejournal.com]

Yaya! You played. :D I don't know The Professionals but any fandom where it's reasonable to have one guy call another "sunshine" is AOK with me.

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

You're evil. You know that, right?

The Sentinel

Brother Marcus handed Blair a sharp edged chisel,pointing at the lovely cherry wood that was waiting to be transformed.

"Umm, did you say this was going to be a lamp when you were done with it?"

Brother Marcus choked back the groan that was threatening to make a mockery of his vow of patience.

"Blair, it's time to move on from carving potatoes and I believe you can make the notch I just demonstrated."

Brother Marcus smiled as Blair used the tool correctly and with growing confidence;for him, the climax of this lesson was watching Blair master another step of the woodworking trade.

Laurie

[zelempa.livejournal.com]

See, and I very nearly did mine TS. It would have been very similar, but replace "mission reports" with, uh, police reports, I guess.

[sasha-feather.livejournal.com]

Awesome!

[erda-3.livejournal.com]

Sarah Connor Chronicles:

"You don’t really expect to open it with that?" Derek snorted as Sarah stuck the chisel into the lock.

"Just shut up and hold the lamp steady," she snapped.

The door groaned open after only a few twists of Sarah’s clever hands.

"We don’t have time to waste on small potatoes like this," Derek protested.

"The climax of the Skynet program depends on this little machine," she answered as she raised her gun and fired, obliterating the small, innocent looking computer.

Sorry for this one.
Star Trek TOS-still going after all these years:


“It is wrong of you to chisel away at our agreement,” Spock said disapprovingly.

"Just turn down the lamp," Kirk begged, "before my head explodes."

Spock dialed the light down before falling onto the bed beside the Admiral with a groan.

"We agreed that you are too advanced in age to tolerate such an intense climax on a work day," Spock continued lecturing, though Kirk could see Spock was just as wrecked as he was.

[zelempa.livejournal.com]

Yay! Two!

Ha ha, "small potatoes." Nice.

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Impossible to resist a post quoting something like There was no harm in leavening the bread of learning with the yeast of levity...

I read the challenge wrong at first and started out with a few extraneous sentences I had to ditch, but this was (oddly, for someone who tends to tremble at one prompt, much less *five*) fun.

The Sentinel:

Steak -- ribeye, perfectly grilled -- not a tofu-infested mockery of beef stew, or barbecued goddamned wheat gluten (Jesus; the things he ate for Sandburg); potatoes -- home fries, not Jerusalem-fucking-artichokes, or taro root, or some other sorry excuse for Idaho's best. Honest-to-God butter, a big chunk chiseled off the slab -- a minor flaw in Blair's culinary prep, there; the butter was still cold, but at least the rolls were hot and the butter had melted perfectly. Cheesecake: chocolate raspberry, waiting in reserve...Jim groaned, gratefully, and undid his jeans out of necessity. And in expectation -- no way in hell was that cheesecake going to be the climax of the evening. Sandburg had been leaking pheromones for months, his temperature spiking up to heat-lamp range every time Jim looked so much as looked at him -- and it was Jim's birthday, after all...

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Okay, so I *still* didn't get it right, did I? Not in the right *order*... ::rolls eyes at her obtuseness and claims creative license, winsomely::

[zelempa.livejournal.com]

Order doesn't matter! Yours is great :) I love rough goddamn-fucking-Jim.

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

Eh, meant to say how much I like dropped onto his back with all the grace of a sack of potatoes...

[tommyboybbi.livejournal.com]

Mab_browne had a post at isane journal about thise and tried it.

Sentinel



After settling Blair on the couch, Jim turned the lamp on to emit light into the loft. A soft groan came Blair. Shaking his head, Jim went to the kitchen to see what he could find to fix for dinner, finding only a can of soup laden with potatoes. Opening the drawer for the can opener, he wondered why there was a chisel in the drawer, he would ask later. Dumping the contents of the can into the pot, Jim wondered how the climax of the day had come to this, Blair on the couch, and him fixing some soup.

[t-verano.livejournal.com]

::is intrigued:: I like that last line...

[mab-browne.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm a fandom enabler. And I like the way that 'potatoes' is giving us all the little bits of domesticity. :-)

[zelempa.livejournal.com]

Domesticity ftw!

I just read the list and I was like, "Groan? Climax? Wow, this is really porny for some reason... except 'potatoes.' 'Potatoes' would be hard to work in. (pause) Obviously we must attempt it."